dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
