Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
