I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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