My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
