Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
NoShamevember. You game?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
