you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
