He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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