And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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