There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
