you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
