i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
