plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
