i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
