We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
