Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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