You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
