It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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