I must be too annoying 4 u.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We talked him into tasing himself.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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