i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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