I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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