dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
