Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
