I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
