if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
