is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
