My underwear smells like fireworks.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
