dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
