i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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