he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
