My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I am naked and annoyed.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
