Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
