I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I think I sprained my soul last night
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
