I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
