She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
