he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
