garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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