we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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