dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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