we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
