Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
