the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
zippers are such a cool invention
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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