Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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