If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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