I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
