I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
