Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
