apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
