i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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