today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I need a burrito and a hug.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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