I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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