why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
