I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
