I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
