I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Randomize
