Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
