FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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